Pardon the long title. I have started three separate posts to try and share with you what the Lord has been showing me this week but I couldn’t finish them. I felt so pressured to provide some kind of resolution for you but the reality is that I’m still processing all of this stuff therefore there is no resolution. So I thought I’d give you a little glimpse into what has been swirling around inside my head. Its some good stuff I think 🙂
God thinks I’m pretty. You know when you think someone is really pretty and you say to your friend, “Wow she is so pretty”? Well on Saturday my friend was praying for me and God told him I was beautiful.
Nature reflects God. I reflect God. Sometimes the way nature reflects God aligns with the way I reflect God. Last night I was looking at the moon and I realized that there is so much about it that I don’t understand or know. We can only see one side of it (right? lol) and I have no idea how tides work. It does some pretty funky things sometimes like eclipses and stuff and I don’t really know why. I know I could get educated on these topics but that’s not the point so keep trackin with me. Sometimes I feel very misunderstood and I view my personality type and wiring as “strange” and “difficult.” Sometimes I do things and later I’m like “WHY?” But the mystery in me reflects the mystery of God just like the mystery of the moon reflects the mystery of God.
I have this fear that I’m too much for other people to handle, so sometimes in new communities I withhold pieces of who I am. I honestly am proud of myself for just being me since I’ve been here. Its gotten progressively difficult which is surprising because usually I loosen up the longer I am around new people. However this time I am finding myself becoming more concerned about how others are going to feel about me as I come to care more for them. Kinda makes sense I guess. I am going to do my best to stay aware and stay free.
On a similar topic, sometimes I blush when I compliment people. Encouraging another person can feel very vulnerable for me. If I’m giving someone encouragement or a compliment, I most likely feel some kind of affection for them, and to show that affection to them opens a door for them to reject me. My fear says, “They probably don’t want that from me,” which is so silly. Do you know anyone who does not want encouragement? Nope, me either. This summer God used a friend to show me what it can look like to LOVE WITHOUT HESITATION and I am trying to put this into practice. That means, when I think someone is great, talented, beautiful, kind, etc., I tell them. This week I probably followed through on 6 out of 15. This is a work in progress haha.
And last but not least…FUNDRAISING! I really hope to develop lasting relationships with my donors so I am seeking 20 people/families/churches who will commit to support me on a monthly basis for any amount of dollars. Please pray about this. Email me at [email protected] if you are interested. I’m also starting a monthly newsletter so if you would like to be subscribed to that let me know.
peace and love.
