This was welcome week for CGA. We spent our time at a large house on Lake Lanier, getting to know each other, having fun, spending time with the Lord. It was good.
Last night I was very happy. We ate chili (my favorite meal) for dinner, Sarah B. and I harmonized with her ukulele outside under the stars, we attempted to build a fire, laughed a lot, and I swung around in a hammock. My soul was full.
After a week without electronics, I turned on my phone and received numerous voice mails and text messages from my mom.
“I hate sending you this text message. Your cousin Danny killed himself last night. We’re gonna bury him in Kentucky.”
Needless to say, I was shocked. Here’s a peek into the window of my processing.
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Loss.
Hit me in the gut when I least expected it.
Knocked the wind right out of my lungs,
stealing what I never thought I’d be without.
Confusion.
Rolled in like a fog to blur my thoughts.
Whispered of contradictions in the character of God,
questioning what I never thought I’d doubt.
Anger.
Ignited within me, and it felt good,
building a fire that hungered for justice.
Teaching me to breathe through pain.
Hope.
Stirred up in me like the smell of coffee brewing.
Reminded my soul, “Darling, He is good,”
giving me strength to dance in His arms again.
Joy.
Rattled around within me too.
Shouted, “I never left you!”
Reminding my spirit that He is my strength.
And that is all I need.
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Honestly, as people have asked me what I need today I haven’t known how to respond. But I know that its Him I need, and its Him who heals. If you’re around and looking to support me I really like hugs and would appreciate prayers for my family as they grieve this loss. Specifically that it would draw them nearer to God, and that those who don’t know Him would come to know Him.
Thank you. PEACE AND BLESSINS.
